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Labor Day
Labor Day is the holiday Americans of the USA celebrate that was created in ancient times. It is the mourning of the great hero: Labour . In Ancient times, the management of the USA did not treat its citizens with care or respect, each person worked as a slave and had no days off. This was a result of timefuckery performed by the evil Dr Evilus who was posed as the president of the United States at the time, but that's another story altogether. At one point during ancient times there was a rush of work called the Work Rush, war had just broken out between the USA and England for the 5th time and they needed people to WORK. So the people worked and worked and after the war was over the nation celebrated yet another American victory, but the workers were not honored. A man who was friends with the Government named Labour was displeased with this. He begged the Government to give people some slack, but they would not budge. The people whispered of him, incorrectly pronouncing his name Labor. Labour decided to take matters into his own hands, he liberated the workers giving them a day off. The President at the time (Dr. Evilus) was not pleased and sent troops to do battle with the workers, but Labour was there to stop them. He battled the troops and came out victorious. So Dr Evilus took matters into his own hands and challenged Labour to a duel. The duel lasted for days atop the White House. On the dawn of a monday in September Labour defeated Dr Evilus, thrusting his CHainsaw Sword (Not chainsword, do you want us to be sued?) into Dr Evilus' chest. Before he could finish the evil Dr off once and for all, Evilus made an emergency timefuckery teleport and got the fuck out of there. Nonetheless, Labour had won (or did he?) and called upon all of the workers in USA. He told them to take regular breaks and enjoy a day off every once in a while with paid hours. He also told them to take off national holidays and holidays for religious purposes. He then told them to take a day off immediately because that day was special. What Labour did not take into account was the rioting that would occur. With the shackles of indentured servitude undone, the people regained their inate ability to riot. Riots broke out with the police off duty, Labour found himself alone in a world of anarchy. He tried vigorously to stop the rioting, to convince citizens to not destroy all they worked for. They would not listen and consequently trampled Labour. He held fast, but the people kept piling on. Eventually he was crushed beneath the weight of 10,000 US citizens. When his life was all but extinguished the people snapped out of their rioting haze. They all immediately realized what they had done and carried the crumpled body of Labour. Hoisted above their heads they hurled him into The River, because fuck burying him and partially because they wanted to honor what he stood for: cutting people some slack. Before they put him in his watery grave he uttered the following to them: "Listen closely Brothers for my life’s breath is all but spent. There shall come a time far from now when our Nation itself is working overtime nonstop, even as I am now dying, and our foes, the Management, shall gather to overwork us without paying time and a half. Then my children, I shall listen to your call in whatever realm of death holds me, and I shall answer, no matter what the laws of life or death forbid. At the end I will be there. For the final battle. For the Overtime." The people mourned the loss of their beloved Labour and again forgetting how to pronounce his name, they declared that day to be Labor Day, a day where the people would not show up to work on time or at all to put aside notions of labor and mourn Labour. The story is told by DrTasty to the Revengerists every Labor Day, sometimes he forgets, but it happens most of the time: <&loboflex> so today is some kind of american temporal quasi-friday? no Monday is a holiday called "Labor Day" i think <@Waffnuffly> yes' <&loboflex> Oooh.. I see See here in the US of A we work hard <&loboflex> we have those on the 1st of May I think too hard <&loboflex> Socialism day like the management of the United States likes to ROYALY FUCK it's citizens <&Specineff> lmao but one day in ancient times one man decided to be benevolent <&Specineff> <&loboflex> Oooh.. I see His name was Labour, but people pronounced it incorrectly as Labor <&loboflex> I'm learning new stuff about diffrent cultures! Labour liberated indentured servants for a day he battled the president at teh time on top of the white house <&loboflex> celebrate working by taking a day off he drove his Chainsaw Sword into his enemy's chest <&loboflex> battled the president in time And all the citizens celebrated by taking the day off, even the police <@Waffnuffly> and criminals to <@Waffnuffly> o So the police weren't around to stop the rioting and Labour was killed underneath the weight of 10000 citizens They realized what they did and mourned him And that's why we take a day off every year <@Waffnuffly> to remember his sacrifice <@Waffnuffly> sacrificed himself to be accidentally crushed by rioters <@Waffnuffly> history lesson is over. BACK TO WORK!!!!!!!! I should put that in the wiki Category:Events Category:Comics Issues Category:Battles